An Open Letter to President-Elect Trump
Dear President-Elect Trump,
I have an EXCELLENT idea! Actually, I have a BUNCH of cool ideas, but I'll start with this one:
PUT ME IN CHARGE OF THE NATIONAL ENDOWMENT FOR THE ARTS!
That's right! Put a regular Cat in charge of the NEA, do NOT get rid of it, let ME get in there and clean that shit up! The NEA needs to sponsor regular people and their regular art, music, dance, theater, etc. Not some lame banana duck-taped to a wall, or a crucifex in a jar of urine, or well...a good friend of mine once told me:
"If I can do it, it ain't art!"
Did you see Ken Burns' newest documentary? This one was on Leonardo DaVinci of Mona Lisa fame. DAMN! Now THAT is art! THAT is painting. THAT is STILL happening, but the damn artists are starving! I KNOW THEY ARE! I am one of them, Yo! And THAT is NOT American. Let ME get in there and clean it all up. I will KICK ASS! I am a starving creative soul who would LOVE to see others get their due, get a break, and bring ART back to America. So...VET me. I LOVE Micky D! If I were on that plane with RFK Jr there wouldn't have been enough food left for him to get "poisoned." MY standard order is one regular hamburger, one fish filet and one LARGE fries, plus a LARGE chocolate milkshake. So, THAT is my resume.
Fly me in, or better yet, I'll drive. Put me to work!
CLEAN UP ON AISLE FIVE MUTHUH FUKKAHS! Here comes STEVIE!!!!
And in other news, YOU, Sir are in an AMAZING position right now. Allow me to he'p you out.
Dig:
You WON. Fair-AND-Square. You WON! You are now a WINNER. BAM!
Therefore, you now have your revenge. Your retribution is complete. You can now make fun of Obama at the next Press Dinner. You dig?
So, how 'bout you REALLY freak people out right now and be the SUPER KING OF RETRIBUTION?
It is easy-peasy man. Back away from "burning down the house" and focus on your policies. Whatever you are into, you WON! Good people are scared SHITLESS! Now, freak them the FUCK out by being nice and effective. PSYCHE! PLOT TWIST! Get all of your people in place and MAKE HISTORY! In the Bible that you sell, did you make the words of Jesus RED? That is YOUR color man, and THAT has traditionally been the color that the King James Bible used for the words of Jesus. Guess what? President Thomas Jefferson CUT OUT all of those RED words and made his own bible. It's in the Library of Congress, YOU can check it out! Literally...you can walk over there sign a library card and CHECK THAT BITCH OUT!!
If you just follow THOSE words, you will TRULY be a KING! You will outsmart EVERYONE!
VERY easy brother.
And while you're at it,:
MAKE ME THE DAMN CHAIR OF THE NATIONAL ENDOWMENT FOR THE ARTS!
Respectfully Submitted,
Steve Wiest
Proud Cray-Cray Left Wing Progressive who LOVES
Bernie Sanders
Joe Biden
Kamala Harris
Jimmy Carter
AOC
and is also a devotee of Jesus Christ.
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